december-fobia

claro, claro
el tema es que estamos en diciembre
entendes? 1 de diciembre
y es diciembre. estan las fiestas
esta fin de año
esta el fucking 22
la gente con vacaciones, las fiestas de fin de año
la euforia y todo eso
pero es un mes tan explosivo
tan definitívo y definitório
y aunque tengo todo armado para el año que viene, y eso ayuda pila
no sé
es diciembre. es impredecible
si todo se mantiene, es probable que pueda soportar enero
a huevo y amigos y buena onda y buenas vibras
y demases si es necesario
pero a enero hay que llegar.
y diciembre suele ser un mes de acciónes. de eventos.
y si pasa algo? eh?
que carajo hago? dónde me meto?
es cierto, tengo apoyos. y buenos.
pero en momentos en los que pasa algo, es grave la cosa
en diciembre, si diciembre se manda alguna de las suyas...
quien me ataja?

creo que voy a necesitar suerte además de paciencia.

clueless (not)

it's a great movie (i think we can all agree on that...)
but it's not the right word.
i'm not clueless (what, you thought it was going to be about anything else but me? please)
i'm not. i know where i stand. and where i want to go.
i just don't quite have it. or know how to get it.
but it doesn't seems imposible. it actually seems as if it could happen at any minute.
well, not really. but kind off.
like i could meet someone and just.. be right.
and i could handle other things and adjust.
and make it work. i could.
it'll just take a little time.
and i have stuff to fill my day with in the mean time.
and the summer and all. ooh gosh, the summer.
a topic for another day.
thing is, even thou everything's a big fat mess.
because it is a big fat mess. there's no point in denying i'm a fucked up.
and the whole fake relationships issue, and the non-getting-over and the longings
i'm not clueless. i know what i want.
wow that's a first (almost)

dear, all we need is just a little patience.

did you missed me?

well, i'm back.
and i'm glad i'm back.
had some good fun thou.
and some bad one too.
many great things
a bit too much lonelyness
most of the time, anyway.

but i sure missed it.
being such a shameless bitch, i mean.
and having some company on the road to burning hell.

it sure feels good to be back.

it's just like, what? oh you know.

i'm like, laaaazy today.
like not really looking forward to much preparation.
or thinking. just like lying around with the boys
(well who the hell are the boys? too much tv...)

feel like runing into my ex (well that's new..)
i mean you know how it goes

- hey! what are you doing here?
- ah.. i live here.. what are you doing here?
- oh you know, just hanging.
- in my front door?
- yep.
- oh, cool. wanna come in?
- sure! how have you been?
- great, you know, i've actually been thinking about you lately.
- oh yeah? that's funny, i've been thinking about you too..
- see? we always think alike.
- right! so how's your family?
- they're good, they actually moved to Hawaii and left me the apartment.
- oh my god! are you serious?
- yeah, it's preety cool... but i'm afraid it gets a little lonely sometimes.
- well you know, you can always call.
- thanks! actually i was thinking, would you stay a couple of days with me? ooh what am i saying, i bet you have millons of things to do...
- yes! i mean no! i mean... i'd love to stay.

you know, just plain good old runing into your ex.
you know how it goes.

in this town of halloween.

YA SÉ que es simplemente otra muestra más del dominio total de la cultura yanki sobre nosotros.
que es un intento idiota de imitar una pelotudez.
que adoptando ese tipo de "festividad" estamos de alguna forma despreciando nuestra riquisima cultura nativa.
que es un gran evento marquetinero que deja millones a los fabricantes de caramelo y de... plastico naranja.
que puedo disfrazarme de pirata y comer caramelos en cualquier momento y no necesito una excusa.
que los niños crecen con la idea de que esta bien andar diciendo treak-or-treat! o halloween o cool o whatever.

but i can't help it.
i love it :)

friday nights. (i wish)

i feel like letting someone hug me while i cry myself to sleep over nothing.
i feel like doing something that really, really hurts me.
it feels like i'm twelve again and i need some stupid ritual to hurt me.
like burning some words with a purple-souvenir-candle
and have some of mother's cashasha (or something)
and stare at the down-stairs bathroom mirror looking scared.
thank god i don't speak to a "magic-sacred-collar" anymore.
thank god i'm not twelve anymore.
even thow the alcohol part doesn't sound that bad.

i wish i had something to say. it'd make me feel better.
i wish i wasn't left alone.
i wish she wasn't that fucking histerical.
i wish the thought of him being with a girl right now didn't hurted as bad.
i wish my best friend wasn't such a fucking ego-maniac.
i wish i could stand the "pip-talks" of my clueless friends.
i wish he hadn't become that alturistic jerk. maybe i could talk to him.
i wish i knew better why i feel this sheety. i'd had a chance at fixing it.
i wish someone would take me seriously when i say i feel like sheet.

what is it about friday nights?
oh if it were only friday nights..

post informativo. e idiota.

aahm, seh, le entró un virus a mi computadora en casa y no se prende. yuppy.
so, es posible que pierda todo lo que tengo ahí.
las fotos, los archivos, los archivos históricos. cosa por demas terrible.
pero bueno, estoy bajón, salvo cuando estoy haciendo cosas, asique..
estoy en la busqueda de cosas para hacer, aparentemente.
nota: suena como si estuviera bajón porque no tengo maquina en casa. por suerte no es cierto, no he llegado a esos niveles de idiotez aún. pero la esperanza es lo último que se pierde y estoy convencida de
que estamos bien encaminádos. (?)
yy qué más? contenta de que poni haya vuelto, castigarlo por ser tan cruel. (:
ya es jueves? que cosa el tiempo che. este clima de locos
(hablaba del otro tiempo, pero cómo resistirse a un cliche?)
aah entonces ma;ana (este teclado no tiene e;e, y voy a ignorar ese hecho totalmente) es viernes, osea que ma;ana.. es viernes.
no sé que hacer con eso.

me gustan los cliches. y la palabra cliche. voy a escribir algo sobre eso, un día de estos.
y me gusta la letra así para el costadito. supongo que por eso abuso de su uso (?)

anyway, post idiota.
pero por cierto, mi cerebro esta hablando así últimamente.
asique si soy un idiota (oh por dios lo dije en masculino.. debe ser solo la costumbre de usarlo en
masculino..), es porque mi cerébro esta idiota. bleh.

got it? BLEH.

(pupo.. u ombligo) fuck that. ♪♫♪♫

why does it sounds so crazy?

i'm here, you know?
i'm ready. i'm not scared, i'm willing to take the risk.
i'm done fooling around, i'm done with the getting over,
i've done my "alone time", i'm in peace with myself
i'm actually ready to give my best.
to take my chances and really try to make it work
to get hurted, and heal. to give myself completaly to someone else.
but there's no one. there's nobody here.
everyone is so fucking scared to even think about it
everyone's just not there yet.
and i get it, it's not something you choose.
and i am not gonna fall for someone i can't have. or doesn't want me.
i'm not gonna fool myself into it. (again)

but then i'll just wait.
wait for someone who's not too scared or inmature to come along.
and it sounds so idealistic and utopic. and naive.

there's no prince charming around. no helpless little dame to rescue.
just intimacy troubles and commitment-fobia wherever i look.

i mean i don't wanna get married. i don't need to move in together
or adopt a cat or a chid. i just want a mature relationship,
with someone capable of adult-thinking and making plans at least two weeks in advance.

where's someone looking for me? where are the people ready to take that chance?
where are the people that are not scared to fall in love?

am i just insaine?
i'm ready to fall in love again.

:) ! (too happy to put into words)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Hola Lu, recién llegado del evento y con alguna copa de más me encuentro con tu
link. Debo decir que quedé impresionado por la calidad general de las fotis. Hay
algunas sencillamente soberbias, sobre todo las "naturalistas", esos recortes
aparentemente obvios pero a la vez originales de cosas de todos los días. Tenés
un ojo bárbaro, sería bueno que cuando subas las fotos dejes los EXiF para darse
una idea más acabada de lo técnico. Hacés rendir muy bien una cámara que es
buena pero no deja de ser una compacta, con sensor chico, etc. No quiero
imaginarme cuando agarres una reflex con lentes màs adecuados. Resumiendo, me
gustó mucho todo, con más tiempo te puntualizo algunas de mis preferidas y
algunas de las que me gustaron menos y los por qués. Felicitaciones muchas.
Apple

ok, se que estoy simplemente revolcandome en mi felicidad
pero aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! :)
todos aquellos que me han desmerecido y hecho sentir mal, go fuck yourself.

it's seriously amazing getting recognition for something i actually like doing.
from someone that seriously knows what he's talking about.
and who wouldn't tell me he liked them if he didn't.
even thow he may had been a little drunk at the time.
but there's no way anything's taking the happyness away today.
not even you, sucker.

:)

on the continuity of relationships

i was tourturing myself over my aparent incapacity to put an end to relationships,
when i said hey!
it's true, i don't end things and i let them go on indefinitely, and play dumb..
but why shouldn't i?
i can't think of one good reason for ending it. seriously.
i have fun, they have fun, i'm not hurted, they're not hurted.
and i'm not deseiving anyone.
having a few less hours to sleep and a few "war injuries" is well worth it.
and each one is a particular situation, to which i relate to diffrently.
and i'll stop if i have a reason to. just one single good reason will be enough.
but i'm not gonna be looking for it.
just go with the flow, right honey?

i just hope i don't get too attached where i know i can't get anything else.
hope i'm not being a big fat fool.